Feeling Gappy today.

What do you call the feeling when you are happy for others but sad for yourself? When you want to cry because one, someone you love has been flooded with happiness and two, because a part of your heart aches? I'll call it gappy! I feel gappy, today. (Grief+happy) Gappy? Not really. Just confusion. One of those distressing questions like "am I waisting time? waisting what I'm capable of? Waisting my life?"

Once in a movie, the actor looks at his girl and says, "There are two kinds of people in the world. The first kind, who do everything possible in their one life. The other kind, who do only one thing for their entire life." Right now, I feel like the second kind. Trust me, it feels horrible. It feels Gappy!

I'd say why I feel so, but its too private. I wish it wasn't, though. I need to talk to a stranger about this. A stranger because I need a viewpoint of an outsider, of someone who is not biased towards me, my family and my life.

This is one of the few times I can't bring myself out of a despicable mood and "I is not liking it!"

~ Sigh Sigh ~

Stanley Park

Just  a little experimental photography :)

A Headache

Oh the cruelty! 


Barbed wires circumference the top
periodic electric shocks
the non-stop hissing 
the burning light
An irritating touch
A torturous sound
like being locked in a box
immobile
staring at
focused on 
"only a headache!"

OH TOO BAD! :D

A man knocked at Death's door. This was the answer:-
Death: Not right now! Come after Vancouver wins the Stanley Cup!

There is a church near where I live and I have no idea who their sign changer is, but I am absolutely in love with him or her!!

For those of you who don't know the Canucks, they are Vancouver's Ice Hockey Team and we are going to win the Stanley Cup this year :D!

Anyway, so don't worry if you were one of the people expecting death on your door on May 21st, It was too busy watching the Canucks win. Maybe, on October 21st!

Relax!

Oryx and Crake

Do writers get ideas from real life or is reality inspired by the writers?


Have you read the book Oryx and Crake? What did you think of it? My friends are in love with it and I just finished reading it myself. Don't kill me now, but I don't absolutely adore that book. You know how there are some books you just can't put down ~ you eat words, you pee words, you sleep words, heck! you even breathe words! Nope! this wasn't that book for me. 
In fact, I could survive a day without reading it. Sure, it was everything a good book is supposed to be, but I guess, my level of understanding some concepts is not as strong as my friends (walking, talking libraries, they are!)


Anyway, the book introduces us to a murdered world. The homo sapiens are extinct, only one of their kind remaining. Snowman, he calls himself. Though he doesn't want anything to do with the "Children of Crake  (a designed human look-a-like species ~ definitions of perfection), Snowman considers himself responsible for making sure they survive. As we read on, we are introduced to several designed species like pigoons, wolvogs, etc. Researchers and scientists are restricted to live in a 'compound' where the top secret experiments...scratch that...top secret disasters are created with pride. Basically, Margret Atwood says that one man (with a hope of creating a perfect world) manages to kill the world with a pill, with one exception (Snowman). He is the chosen one. The one to help the 'Children of Crake.' 


'Compounds', a place so isolated from the rest of the world that people in them have no idea of whats going on in the 'real world'. Similar concept is used in other books like "The Giver" and "The Hunger Games." 


Now, I wonder if these writers saw something in their life that such an idea got into their heads. Or, did some creepy, lunatic scientist like this idea of an isolated world and decide to create one. 
Did Atwood write about this because she knows what the government is upto or did the government decide they should do something like this after reading 'The Giver'?


Yesterday, I talked to my sister about this and she replied, "I don't even know man! With all these movies I watch and the books I read, I'm starting to think they might just have chips installed in every baby to keep track of their citizens!"


This is a CRAZZZYYYY idea, I know. You have no idea how happy I am to believe that stories are just ink on pages and characters in your head. These won't kill me. (I like my life, too much!)

Always wanted

Create me, I am undone
Color me, I am bland
Display me, I am unseen
Appreciate me, I am forgotten
Love me, I am the life
you always wanted.

One down, several to go!

My Facebook Status: Things work out if you want them to :)

Indeed, they do. For months, I've been thinking of starting a club at UBC. I had everything planned for it, too. The events, the themes, the members - if you see it through my eyes, it is one of the best clubs. Except, you need a team to start a club. 7 months back I put this idea into my friend's heads. Excited and hyper, they all agreed and I was convinced they were going to help me make this happen. But it didn't happen. I got annoyed, stressed. Here, it is! my idea burning into ash!

Like my mom would say, "You're acting as if you have no hands. You can't just expect the food on your table to fly into your mouth. You need to pick it up with your hand and put it in your mouth." It didn't happen because I wasn't working on it. I expected my friends to initiate. I expected for the club to just happen! How could it?

Today, I see that ash transform back into my idea like a phoenix re-forms. Couple of months back, I realized what my responsibility was. I took the initiative. Today, with two other friendsI have, finally (after too much work) turned my idea into an official UBC club.

All that stress for no reason. I really wanted this to work out and it did. When you REALLY want something, you work hard to get it and when you work hard to get something, you REALLY get it! It all works out!

But of course, just making the club wasn't all I wanted to do. I want the events to be one of the best and now we must get working on that! Contacting people in regards to your events can be both encouraging and embarrassing. Encouraging because the more e-mails you send out, the more you start to believe that   this is definitely going to happen and you are on the right path. Embarrassing because when you get a reply to that e-mail, you realize that the idea you are in love with means nothing to other people ~ they don't think much of it, at all. So, yes! one challenge down and the other one is standing tall!

But, "People don't trip on mountains. Get through the pebbles and the rocks, and you'll have reached the peak!" That is exactly what I plan on doing! I'm going to kick these pebbles and rocks out of the way to touch the summit!

Wish me Luck!

Kill me, now...

Kill me, now or keep me forever in your heart
For the beauty of our love wont wilt, wont crumble just yet.
It'll keep us together until you die and take my soul away with you
my Soul with you, you'll take
so we be together in the after life and the next
my Soul with you, you'll take,
so I am no one else but yours. 
Paint this life, with me, the colours of joy and serenity, or
Kill me, now, for its not you but I...
I am unable to keep you in my heart, forever.